Setting Healthy Boundaries

Having boundaries is not a selfish thing, it’s a selfless thing.I can’t recall one speech, workshop, or coaching session in which there has not been overwhelming agreement among the participants that setting and sticking with boundaries is a problem. Most times when I bring up the topic, people roll their eyes, raise their hands, and nod up and down knowingly because they know boundary setting is a challenge for them.And this struggle isn’t limited to a specific age and income group either. I am talking about all ages of people from a wide variety of backgrounds, levels of success and education. From the young adults we are working with to the highest paid professionals I coach, they all ask for help and guidance in this area.

Talking About Boundaries

So, where in the world did we get the idea that having boundaries was a selfish thing? When I ask people this question, this is the typical response: ‘I just feel like I need to be there for EVERYONE and it would be wrong for me to say no.’ The sad truth is, boundary setting isn’t talked about in families (did your mom or dad sit you down and discuss this with you?), it is definitely not taught in schools, and most importantly, we did not have role models to emulate. That means generation upon generation of people pleasers who cannot say no. So how does that cycle end?

Ending the Cycle

You’ve likely learned by example that to have boundaries around our time and who you spend it with is selfish. I thought about this a lot when I was raising my kids and wondered if how I was spending my time would help them be wiser with their own. I can admit that I have come a long way in this and yet I can still find ways to improve. When you learn and apply boundary-setting in your life it truly isn’t selfish at all. On the contrary, it’s selfless because you are choosing to NOT do something because of guilt or shame.You are selflessly choosing to set a better example for those you love. You are not taking something away from someone else, you are giving the best gift you can give another person by showing them it can be done!

Time to Evaluate

The next time someone asks you to do something or you decide on your own you must do something, stop and ask yourself: Will this add value to my life and more importantly, the lives of the people I need to set an example for and really care about?Get in touch with the feeling of only saying ‘yes’ to the things that you know bring you joy, help you take care of yourself, and fully align with your vision and purpose.Saying no is truly an act of selflessness!

Vision is victory,

Carey